


Love Lost

by tousled_bird



Series: Of Love and Loss [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: ALL THE ANGST, Angst, Death, F/M, Reader-Insert, Supernatural - Freeform, Tumblr Prompt, demon!reader, mentions of torture, prompt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-14
Updated: 2017-01-14
Packaged: 2018-09-17 11:08:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,771
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9320825
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tousled_bird/pseuds/tousled_bird
Summary: It was easy to follow you. You had left a path of destruction. The signs were there: An exsanguinated girl here, a tortured young man with a cut throat there, a family burned in their home a state over… Each body and crime scene decorated with your very own signature. Like a trail of breadcrumbs laid out in plain sight.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Judgement](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Judgement/gifts).



> This is for the wonderful[ Judgement](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Judgement). Check out her amazing works!

It was easy to follow you. You had left a path of destruction. The signs were there: An exsanguinated girl here, a tortured young man with a cut throat there, a family burned in their home a state over… Each body and crime scene decorated with your very own signature. Like a trail of breadcrumbs laid out in plain sight.

It was easy to follow you. And of course, they _had_ followed you. It was their fault, after all. No, not theirs. Only his. Only Sam's. Dean wasn't there when _it_ happened. And Cas neither. Maybe _it_ wouldn't have happened if they had been there with you. It's a foolish thought. He knows that. But he can't stop himself from thinking about the what ifs. What if Dean and Cas had been there? What if you didn't split up? What if he had been the one to…

No. Sam. Stop. Don't go there. It doesn't help. It won't change anything. Just drive him mad if he doesn't stop.

You escaped four times, always with a cheeky smile and a kiss blown towards Sam, taking joy in your own cruelty and his pain. It took way too long to convince Crowley to help. But eventually he agreed. Well, Sam _made_ him agree. But that's not important. Important is only that, with their combined forces, they were able to corner you an abandoned house and lure you into a devil's trap.

Dean asked if he wanted to leave for the procedure, to go for a drink maybe. But Sam declined. It had been his fault _it_ happened to you. And he would be the one to fix you.

First you had been furious, spitting words and insults. But none of it hurt like your glare, the twisted caricature of your face, the black that swallowed your once beautiful eyes.

When they tied you to the chair you just laughed at them. Again, Dean had wanted him to leave. A brotherly instinct to protect him from what was coming. Sam refused. He knew what would happen. He had done it once already, after all. He knew it would be painful. So damn painful. It almost teared him apart that one time, but he did it. He cured his brother from his demonic nature. He could do it again. He could save you.

You didn't make it easy for him. _You never did_ , he thinks with a wistful smile, _you've always been too stubborn. Still are,_ he corrects himself. You're still in there. You are still alive _._

The first hours had been hard. You had teased him, told him every gruesome detail of each of your recent murders with glee in your eyes.

"That boy had such a nice voice. His screams resonated perfectly with the church's acoustic. You should've been there, it was beautiful."

"Did you know, exsanguination takes ages? Enough time for you idiots to find and rescue her. She only cried at the end. Tough girl. Cursed nonstop. Even taught me some new insults. Very creative, you know? She'll do great down in the pits, I can't wait to meet her again."

When he had come with the second dose of human blood (his, of course. No way he would use any other on you), you had just smiled sweetly at him. "You know, some years ago, this situation would've been different. Remember? You would've taken my blood instead of giving me yours. Oh, how time changes. Hey, I have an offer for you, love. You stop with this bullshit and I let you have a pint or two of my blood. Think of it, we could be so great together! Fuck hell, fuck heaven! Earth could be our playground! You and me together, nothing could ever stop us!"

He had left without a word to you. Your maniac cackling followed him into his dreams.

Then came the rage. You had screamed, cursed him in every way possible. "You fool!", you had screeched, "This changes nothing! If I die I will go straight back to hell! What do you think will happen? The woman you love is gone! She burned in the fires of hell a long time ago! You won't get her back! Whatever you do, you lost her! I am what I am now and I _like_ it. I'd rather die than become human again!"

After that episode, Sam had made sure that you were never left alone, not wanting to take any risk of you hurting yourself. He and Dean had taken shifts to ensure your safety.

Next came the silent seething. "I thought you loved me," you had hissed when he plunged the syringe once more into your neck. "I will never forgive you this. Never. You better watch out, _love_. I will hunt you down and I will find you. I will make you watch Dean die slowly and in pain, I will pull every feather severally from the little angel's wings before I kill him too. I will destroy everything you love, I will _burn_ your little heart to ashes and make you suffer like I suffered in hell. And after I kill you, I will find you in the pits and hurt you until you know nothing but pain anymore, you hear me?"

Sam had made sure to check your shackles. The devil's trap would lose its power the more you became human again, but experience taught him to be cautious.

The wrath phase was followed by apathy. You hadn't said anything for over an hour, only when Sam came to give you the last dose you told him: "I hate you."

He had stood over you, hesitating for a heartbeat, before he had touched your cheek with his hand. Lightly and cautious of a reaction that never came.

"I love you," he had whispered. You hadn't even looked at him.

That had been about an hour ago. No sound has come through the door since then. The silence is heavy. Sam hovers in front of the door, his hand lingering on the handle. He needs a moment to collect himself, to gather every ounce of strength and to try to keep his hopefully racing heartbeat in check. One last deep breath, then he opens the door - and his heart plummets into his stomach.

You haven't moved at all since the last time he checked on you. Your head leans against the backrest, expression vacant and your eyes, underlined with dark circles, stare into nothingness. Tears left visible traces on your dusty skin.

He closes the distance between you in a heartbeat and kneels in front of you, opening the shackles and taking your cold hand into his. "(Y/N)," he breathes.

Your eyelashes flutter. "Sam?," you rasp, voice almost inaudible.

"Yeah, (Y/N), it's me. I'm here. It's okay. I'm here. You did it. You did it."

You blink at him. Once. Twice. "I love you," you tell him, every word a struggle. "I'm sorry. I love you."

Sam smiles despite the tears in his eyes. "I love you too. It's okay. It's okay. Everything is going to be fine. I love you." He turns around and calls for Dean, not wanting to leave you alone again.

A dry noise coming from your throat makes his head snap back to you. "Sam I… I love you. I…"

"Ssshh, I know, it's okay." He puts his hand around your pace and presses his brow against yours. Your skin is hot and feverish, your hair sticks to your temples and forehead. Water. You need water.

He reaches for the flask filled with holy water from the table. It's water, as good as any water for now. He puts the flask at your lips and you drink without complaining, but each of your swallows is slow and painful. You grimace.

"Sam." Your voice is small.

"I'm here, (Y/N)."

"Sam, I don't want to go back." You stare at him, eyes wide with fear. "I'm so scared. I don't want to go back."

Sam's throat tightens. He brushes some strands of hair from your face. "We're not going anywhere but home."

Your smile is tiny and lost. "Home. I want to go home." You blink, your eyes becoming unfocused.

"No, no. No, look at me. (Y/N), look at me," fear claws at his heart. It wasn't supposed to be like this. He knew the process was full of risks, but you were always a strong person, able to shrug off almost everything the world threw at you.

Your eyelids are drooping now, your breathing shallow. "Sam I… I'm sorry. Please don't make me… go back."

He reaches for you and cradles you in his arms. Your body is limbs as you sack against his chest. "No. We will go home, you hear me? Everything will be alright. Just stay with me, okay?"

You stare at him, eyes unseeing.

He starts to pray. For Castiel, for Gabriel, even for Michael. For anyone who is willing to listen.

Dean arrives at the door. He curses when he sees Sam's desperate face. "Sam, I-"

"She needs Cas," Sam interrupts him. Cas or any other angel able to help her. Dean nods and disappears again.

"Sam I don’t… I don't…"

"Ssshh, it's okay. Just stay with me. Just stay with me," he whispers into your ear.

"I am… so scared. I don't want… to go back to… hell."

"I know. You won't go back. Everything will be okay, (Y/N). I love you. Just stay awake for a bit longer."

A sigh escapes your lips. Then - nothing. Your chest is still.

"(Y/N)?"

No answer.

No. No, no, no, no, _no_!

The telltale sound of wings announces the arrival of an angel. "I came as soon as possible."

Cas. It's Cas. Thank god.

Sam turns his face to his friend. "Help her. Save her. She needs… She needs help, please!"

Castiel presses his fingers against your forehead. His face falls.

"No." Sam's voice is hoarse.

"I am sorry. She is already gone, Sam. I can't-"

"No!"

"I can't do anything for her. I am so sorry, Sam."

A thump behind them. Dean punched the wall.

Castiel's warm hand is heavy on Sam's shoulder. He squeezes him once before he steps back.

Sam stares at you, feeling numb. You don't look peaceful. Just scared.

He pulls your still form closer to his chest and presses his lips into your hair, rocking you back and forth.

He couldn't save you. He failed you when you needed him the most. Again.

He wants to scream. But there is only silence left in him.

**Author's Note:**

> The prompt was: My character will mourn the death of yours.  
> Hope you like it :)


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